An Illustration of God's Designs…

I’ve always wondered why I felt like my head was about to explode with thoughts that were in a cloud of smoke after the church leadership crap I went through over the years. It was only a couple of weeks ago that I read a quote in a book about “church trauma” – and that’s when a light went on and I had an “A Ha” moment. I believe people who experience some kind of church trauma have various experiences, reactions and symptoms.lil-durk-traumatized

I have experienced a severe, negative, almost allergic reaction to inflexible doctrine and outright abuse of spiritual power. Internally my symptoms were exposed to unlimited moments of withdrawal from all things religious, failure to believe in anything, depression, anxiety, anger, grief, loss of identity, despair, moral confusion, and, most notably, the loss of desire and an inability to darken the door of a place of worship. Physically my symptoms were ongoing episodes that varied from time to time with cold sweats, sleep disturbances, heart palpitations and increased blood pressure.

 “Church trauma” can be defined as a very deep and tricky wound inflicted on (people) by the very institution of healing, the church, which did not live up to its own calling and which – an almost devilish scheme – has badly hurt those whose (gifts and) ministries it needed most.”- Houses that Change the World, Wolfgang Simson

For many years my church experiences always left a lasting effect as if I was involved in a head on collision with a train wreck of pain and hurt leaving me with spiritual whiplash, broken bones, bruises, welts and lacerations. It has left me feeling alone and scared and suffering. It has left me with a boatload of internal and external symptoms every time I tried to express my feelings about the hurt  to persons of spiritual authority and their response was telling me it’s all in my head and would go away if I just had more faith and fight. It has been difficult to walk into a church.

woman crying

As I envision myself walking into a church I envision myself walking into my own prison and locking door behind me. Maybe that’s not you or maybe you share the same experience and find yourself taking the long way on the highway to avoid the sight of a church building or even standing in the pulpit. But lately I have felt “stuck” and I didn’t know how to move forward and my motivation was gone and I didn’t know how to get it back! It’s like the church stole the “soul” of my life through the pain and mistreatment.

So, I started to do some refection, research and began to blog my journey and findings. I plan to write more about the effects of church trauma (that I am discovering) and also how to experience healing. My prayer is that hopefully one day I WILL be able to help others, no matter what level of church trauma has affected them.

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Comments on: "Post Traumatic Church Disorder “The Experience”" (9)

  1. Jesus suffered from the schemes of religious leaders.
    Peter, John, and Paul suffered from the Pharisees and Saducees as well.
    I’ve written about this kind of thing I as well, having suffered from it for years.
    We are in good company.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. OMG I love this, I left the church for so long, but since our last convo, I’ve since started going back. However I’m no longer blinded by other ppls realities, I live my own. I still have a level of respect for the office of Pastors and Ministers, as I do Presidents and Prime Ministers, but I just see it as them doing their jobs. We are not always gonna agree on everything, but I go to the church that matches my beliefs the most, and I keep God very close. I find He’s the one allowing me to have the strength to walk through the doors each week, and I go because the church is a community, and we have a common unity which is in Christ. Try not to watch others, it will steal your joy, try not to fit in, maybe you weren’t meant too, and last but not least talk to God about the questions you are having because you have them for a reason, maybe He`s trying to call you higher in Him. Love you, hope this helps you as much as you helped me!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It happens all to often and this is why people leave their church, this treatment must be exposed and change. Healing must take place for the broken

      Liked by 1 person

      • I agree, there’s too much politicics in the church and its bad because its almost like ppl are being manipulated spiritually, especially when ppl believe their soul is at stake. Its too much, i go cause i go with God, n i only go once per week to begin w.

        Liked by 1 person

      • @eatpraytalkac I’m elated that you have return to church and a God is more pleased than I am. It is important that we go to church to fellowship, serve and worship the Lord. Too many people are subjected to not only spiritual manipulation, but deep rooted insecurity of people in leadership.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you it has helped mr a great deal I have accepted my calling and its apart of the journey stay tuned…as I share my healing process

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  4. I think many people in the Church still suffer in silence. I healed from the Vedas you see reflected on my blog page.

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    • @thenoveilst I agree with you some suffer in silence believing things will only get better but it doesn’t. I’ve learned that every assignment has a season we need to discern whether it is long or short term

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      • You are right, it’s a lot to do with discernment, which I didn’t find happening when I was growing up in a Christian home, having to pass Bible as a subject before I could graduate high school and having a father who is still a deacon in Church. I realised later, that everyone follows a path according to their nature.

        Liked by 1 person

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