An Illustration of God's Designs…

Posts tagged ‘devotional’

Emotional Deposit… Simply Me

Ok I am focused Now… I have been under fire with family, school, life’s demands and I really wished I could just disappear. Have you ever felt like that? I wondered if I just vanished like the rapture how would life go on without me. I’m wondering about the people who depends on me so much and even my enemies will they find someone else to hate? ( chuckling) that doesn’t matter really. Just a random thought…Honestly. I have tried and tried again but my heart won’t let my passion for writing go. I just can’t seem to shake this writing fever. I love blogging, sharing my thoughts, sharing my life and most of all the feedback from my readers… You guys are the Best!  There is such a sense of freedom when the “Simply Me” comes out. I wear so many hats these days boy I tell you I am even confused on which one to put on when issues arise in my life. Should I be the Pastor, friend, sister, mother or just plain ole “ME.”?

So I have decided to be me and would like to re-introduce myself…Hi My name is Sakinah and I am a loving, outgoing, funny, caring, witty, ambitious, think on her feet go getter who wants to live life to its fullest potential. I realize that daily someone loses their life and we often hear the sad stories wpid-img_20140127_090635.jpgabout the person who has gone too soon. So I am here to stay and while I am here I will like for you to share my world. I  invite you into my daily discussions on just about anything that comes to mind food, church, life, leadership  you name it I’ll discuss it….Woo hoo I’m feeling free already. One of life’s biggest challenges is to be authentic, living a false life will have you bound to lies and fabricated fantasy that would be hard to make a reality. Take it from me I heard it all and seen it all, it is just not worth it. Learning how to express your true self will come with a boat load of honesty with first yourself and then with others. Let your flaws be know it will paint a better picture of you as you go through life challenges and struggles you are enduring as you right your wrongs. And remember NO One is Perfect!. We all deserve a second, third, forth, fifth chance at life to change, to be renewed and be regenerated in some areas in our lives so why not go for it?

I know life’s demands are jabbing at you to invoking you to make an emotional and crazy  response. So I say think about how you will respond to life, because it will respond back to you depending on your decision. How will you respond to the hand life deals you today? Life is sometimes a gamble, but you are the MVP of your life team. will you get fearful and fold? or will you try to ignore it? or pull your boot straps up and face your opponent in confidence knowing that life won’t always this way.  Hey, let me share this with you God is calling us ceaselessly through every circumstance of life? Through every attack and every battle and Yet He is measuring every spiritual attack that the enemy is allowed to wield against us. So let me drop this emotional deposit on you… God uses every attack to help you to identify areas of needed growth and healing.

In your quiet time today? ask the Holy Spirit to clarify those areas that needs growth and healing and Journal it.

please feel free to comment and share your thoughts…. Love Always Simply Sakinah….

Post Traumatic Church Disorder “The Experience”

I’ve always wondered why I felt like my head was about to explode with thoughts that were in a cloud of smoke after the church leadership crap I went through over the years. It was only a couple of weeks ago that I read a quote in a book about “church trauma” – and that’s when a light went on and I had an “A Ha” moment. I believe people who experience some kind of church trauma have various experiences, reactions and symptoms.lil-durk-traumatized

I have experienced a severe, negative, almost allergic reaction to inflexible doctrine and outright abuse of spiritual power. Internally my symptoms were exposed to unlimited moments of withdrawal from all things religious, failure to believe in anything, depression, anxiety, anger, grief, loss of identity, despair, moral confusion, and, most notably, the loss of desire and an inability to darken the door of a place of worship. Physically my symptoms were ongoing episodes that varied from time to time with cold sweats, sleep disturbances, heart palpitations and increased blood pressure.

 “Church trauma” can be defined as a very deep and tricky wound inflicted on (people) by the very institution of healing, the church, which did not live up to its own calling and which – an almost devilish scheme – has badly hurt those whose (gifts and) ministries it needed most.”- Houses that Change the World, Wolfgang Simson

For many years my church experiences always left a lasting effect as if I was involved in a head on collision with a train wreck of pain and hurt leaving me with spiritual whiplash, broken bones, bruises, welts and lacerations. It has left me feeling alone and scared and suffering. It has left me with a boatload of internal and external symptoms every time I tried to express my feelings about the hurt  to persons of spiritual authority and their response was telling me it’s all in my head and would go away if I just had more faith and fight. It has been difficult to walk into a church.

woman crying

As I envision myself walking into a church I envision myself walking into my own prison and locking door behind me. Maybe that’s not you or maybe you share the same experience and find yourself taking the long way on the highway to avoid the sight of a church building or even standing in the pulpit. But lately I have felt “stuck” and I didn’t know how to move forward and my motivation was gone and I didn’t know how to get it back! It’s like the church stole the “soul” of my life through the pain and mistreatment.

So, I started to do some refection, research and began to blog my journey and findings. I plan to write more about the effects of church trauma (that I am discovering) and also how to experience healing. My prayer is that hopefully one day I WILL be able to help others, no matter what level of church trauma has affected them.

Cultivating a Devotional Life

Cultivating a Devotional Life.

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